February 15th – The Most Glorious Day of the Year

February 16, 2013 By

So apparently, February 15th is Singles Appreciation Day - a day where people can rejoice in the fact that they are happy being alone. Or at least, pretend to be. (Note that the acronym for this special day is S.A.D.) 

I purposely didn’t write a blog post yesterday for Valentine’s day because I’m single and I didn’t  have much to write about other than how I’m single..and that seemed too cliché. However, since today is S.A.D, it’s way way less so.

Don’t worry – I’m not going to complain about being single on Valentine’s day because being single on Valentine’s day this year was actually much better for me than it’s ever been actually being in a relationship for it.

2 years ago, the guy I was seeing at the time told me he didn’t want to spend any of the day with me, then showed up at my house with a cute teddy bear… and then left. Oh, but he did come back at, uh, midnight.

Cool bro.

1 year ago, I was pleasantly surprised to have received a lovely Tiffany necklace in the mail from my long distance boyfriend. However being in a long distance relationship, apparently, meant that I wasn’t allowed to do anything but stay home by myself for the night. I ended up buying more food than anyone could possibly consume in a week and ate it all while watching The Notebook for the first time.

Oh, and the guy took the necklace back when I broke up with him.

Surprisingly, as a single girl, this Valentine’s Day was the best Valentine’s Day I have had… ever.

Don’t get me wrong – I was still dressed head to toe in all black in obvious protest of the day and I still scoffed at the ridiculous Facebook picture posts of pictures and candy and chocolate from all the girls on my friends list – as the single girl, it felt necessary. Along with my decision to wear all black, I had also decided I was going to post-up in the local Starbucks to spend the night working late to keep myself busy and not sit at home and end up in another food coma in front of a ridiculous RomCom.

To my surprise, as I was wrapping up my work in the office to begin my relocation, I got a message from an old acquaintance on Facebook. He suggested that since everyone else was doing sometimes for Valentine’s Day that we should to.

So we went out for dinner. And it was lovely.

The reason why this post isn’t “woe is me because I’m single” (as most of my friends, I’m sure, would assume I’d write) is because I’m not down on myself for being single. In fact, I’m actually quite content being single.

These past few months I’ve had a great time going out, meeting new people, and dating around.

Ok, scratch that – I’ve been having a great time going out and meeting new people. Let me put it on record that I HATE. HATE. HATE. the act of dating and I’ve realized that more and more over the past few months of doing it.

I hate the superficial flirty date talk, I hate the not knowing about when to text/call the other person, and I hate the mind games that are associated. No, I don’t like it when you make a sarcastic flirty stab at me. No, you don’t need to not respond to my text message for 2 hours because you’re afraid of looking too eager. No, I don’t need you to act mysterious to keep me interested.

Tell me about who you are, why you are that way, and what you want to be in the future.  Respond to the question I JUST texted you in a reasonable manner because I’m obviously trying to have a conversation. And if you like me, be with me. If you don’t, don’t.

Is that too much to ask?

I’ve been wondering if I should just opt-in to that whole arranged marriage thing.

Well, not seriously. I think brides get traded for goats or something and I think I’m worth more than a goat.

And why does the guy get the goat? Why can’t I get the goat?

Ok, I digress.

The reason February 15th is the most wonderful time of the year is because the emphasis on the need to be in a relationship is gone. I don’t feel the need to be in one and I’m glad the day has passed. I’m happy with the way things are and I don’t need my entire world telling me relationships are the be all and end all to happiness.

Does that mean I don’t want to be in one? No, it does not.

What it means is that it’s going to take someone really special who can completely sweep me off my feet to convince me to be in one.

Or a goat.

Happy February 15th everyone- enjoy the half-priced chocolate.

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I’ve Never Felt Like a Very Lucky Person…

November 8, 2011 By

But this weekend I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

This weekend my amazing boyfriend came all the way from Toronto just to visit me here in NYC.

Oh, yeah… I’m in a long distance relationship…

Definitely never thought I’d ever be in a long distance relationship, let alone extremely happy in one.

Mind you, I also never thought I could ever be this happy at all.

When I say I’ve never felt like a lucky person, I really mean I’ve never felt like a lucky person. I mean, I recognize that I am luckier than many people in the world. I am beyond lucky to have a loving family, to have and continue to be getting a great education, and I am extremely lucky to simply be alive right now. However, I’m only lucky to be alive due to my unlucky medical circumstances. Being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at 9 years old, almost dying from the disease at the age of 13, and having my colon removed isn’t really winning the lottery. (I know a lot of you can attest to that!)

Unfortunately, my lack of luck was present in many other parts of my life. For instance, I had been teased my entire primary and secondary school education. I was also extremely unlucky that my father passed away far too soon for anyone my age. And, well, the story of my love life thus far could be made into its own sadistic comedy.

The short version of the unluckiness that was my love life is that I had not been noticed by boys until I was 18 years old, my first boyfriend wasn’t really my first boyfriend as he had actually been dating a girl for a year when he started “dating” me, and my most recent ex-boyfriend who tried to convince me he was the best I could ever do (as many of you had read in some of my old blogs) really didn’t treat me very well at all. In fact, the entire story of my love life was a combination of all the bad things that could happen to a girl my age all wrapped into the past 4 years of my life. The luckiest thing about my love life, I suppose, was that my ostomy had nothing to do with any of it (who knew? Yay?)

I guess I always thought that I’d never get lucky in the relationship department. I mean, I was already extremely unlucky in the medical department, and in many other facets of my life that I just kind of accepted the apparent inevitable. At one recent point in my life, I had even told a few of my friends that I was researching “how to live life as a cat lady.”

That was until I met my current boyfriend.

As I said before, I never wanted to be in a long distance relationship, and knowing I was moving to NYC was the perfect chance for me to be single and focus on my career (and the eventual hoard of cats I was soon to own), but when this boy asked me out- full well knowing that I was moving to NYC, I just couldn’t say no.

There was something special about him; something lucky about him.

Though I never wanted to be in a long distance relationship, I knew that this boy was someone I couldn’t turn away.

How right I was (or he was for asking to date me despite my eventual move.) Not only do the two of us get along better than I have ever gotten along with anyone in my life, and not only can we have long intellectual discussions about stocks or technology or science, and not only does he make me laugh harder than I have ever laughed before, but he treats me like a queen.

This weekend was just another example of how amazing this boy is to me. He went extremely far out of his way-out of his city- just to spend a few simple days with me.

This weekend was just that- simple. We didn’t really do much but it was more fun than anything I’ve done in NYC so far. Our weekend included some of the obligatory touristy things that have to be done in while in the city like taking a walk through Central Park, making a visit to the Dakota house (where John Lennon was shot), and missioning through the masses in Times Square. One of our evenings even included getting all dressed up where the boy wined and dined me at a very classy restaurant. We also walked around my area a few times to grab groceries and coffees while taking in the cool city air. However, the most fun the two of us had together this weekend was simply cuddling on the couch watching documentaries like Stephen Hawking’s series Into the Universe (did I mention he was just as much of a nerd as I am?). The most fun I have with him is when we just sit around and do nothing together.

And he came all the way to NYC just to do nothing with me.

I’ve heard that long distance relationships are hard, stressful, and that they rarely last, but I think that when you are in the right one with the right person who treats you like a queen, it’s really not that hard at all.

Did I say I had an unlucky love life?

My mistake-

I have the luckiest one of all.

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Confidence

May 23, 2011 By

It’s amazing how alone you feel while dealing with relationship issues until you realize that there are a million other girls out there dealing with the exact same thing.

Tonight, a good friend of mine needed to talk out the issues she was having with her boy that sounded almost exactly like the issues I had been having with my ex-boyfriend of now over 3 months.

Though the situation as a whole was very different, the traits of the boy and the pattern of the relationship paralleled what I had gone through. She had come to me because she knew I was a few steps ahead of her.

The moral I tried to instil in her was that she deserved to be treated like a queen, and any guy who treated her as anything less was not worth her time. She knew this, but was having difficulty making sure she was actually treated as so. It can be easy to see what’s wrong, but fixing it isn’t quite as simple. This was something that I struggled with myself.

It was only after having been lied to by my ex, (an action that results in immediate expulsion from my life), that I was finally able to draw the strength I needed to end the rollercoaster of drama for good. It took me two years, but I was finally able to do it. I was lucky, I suppose, to have found out he lied, because it gave me the “over” (as my friend called it) that I needed to make it happen. She didn’t have the “over” yet, so it wasn’t as easy. She’s a smart girl, though, so I’m confident she’s going to be just fine. With me, though… I needed that real push.

Every time my ex and I had broken up, I thought I had had the “over.” Apparently I was wrong, as we kept getting back together. It was not until tonight, and talking to my friend, that I was confident that I had, in fact, found my strength, my confidence, and my self-respect to do better.

I stopped blogging about my stupid relationship drama a while ago because, well, it got immensely repetitive. I felt the need to blog tonight not only because of the coincidental email I received from my ex late last night coupled with my friends similar issue, but because I felt the need to share, especially with the ostomates, the sense of self-respect and confidence that I feel right now.

It’s hard for any person, especially a woman, in this day and age to be confident in themselves because of all the (ok I know this sounds cliché, but it’s true) magazines and television representations of the perfect image; body type, personality, lifestyle…

This can slowly tear away at the little self-confidence one has so that it’s easy to fall into a trap and believe that, if one guy says he loves you more than anything in the world, that he means it, even when he treats you like garbage.

Though I am a confident person and don’t even factor my ostomy into my self-image, it’s still very easy to fall into that trap. It’s hard enough for a normal person to realize how amazing they are and to ensure they get the respect deserved from their partner, but it must be a million times more difficult for a person uncomfortable with themselves because of their lifesaving appliance.

I guess this is another reason why I do this blog thing. I share because I want to make sure others don’t fall into the same patterns as I have, and especially, do not fall into ones much worse. I blog and post pictures of myself with my bag to encourage other ostomates to be proud of what they have and then, hopefully, that sense of pride can culminate itself into self-confidence.

Each and every one of you, bag or no bag, deserves to be treated with respect, dignity, and love.

Please make sure you are.

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Seeing Into the Future

March 18, 2011 By

It is after finally healing from my corrective eye surgery that my future has become clear.

It was over a number of weeks before surgery that I struggled to organize the various pieces of my life into some semblance of a future to look forward to. I had many paths in front of me but no idea which one I was going to take. I had applied to graduate schools in the US, but was unsure if I would be given an acceptance. If I was not accepted, something out of my control, then I was going to find a job I enjoyed and begin to work my way up in that career. Though I was unsure which path I was going to take, the decision was going to be easy because it would be made for me.

One decision that I had to make was a decision that was not going to be given to me. I was still involved with the same boy I had been involved with over the past two years, but did not know if I was going to carry out the rocky relationship long distance after my graduation. I knew that going to grad school versus getting a job was a decision that would be made for me depending on my acceptances to school, but it was the path of this relationship that was left in my hands; or so I thought.

Having had this boy in my life two years prior to our involvement, I could not see a future without him in it. He had been there for me through thick and thin and, despite our issues, I always had faith in our relationship because I trusted him with all my heart. With the uncertainty of my postgraduate path, I knew 100% that distance was going to come between this boy and I as he was going to be staying in our university town while I would either be moving back home, two hours away, or to another country for graduate school. What would be the best option for the both of us? What was I going to choose?

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the decision became clear.

On my return to school post eye surgery, I had found out some information about this boy [that I knew to be true] that did not bode well for our relationship situation. However, because of the immense trust I had in him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, hoping he could be honest and just explain what I knew. Instead, he lied to me, only admitting to his lies a few days later.

To know me well means to know that lying is something I will never put up with. A lie, to me, is the pinprick in a bubble of trust, letting the air of support seep out until there is nothing left. Though we had our issues, this boy and I, it was the unwavering trust I had for him that kept me going back time and time again. This lie, however, was something new, something that, [as far as I knew, I guess] had never happened before. In my mind, if there was no trust, there was no going back. The decision had been made.

Moving on from this unfortunate situation, I awaited the news that would determine my next few years. A week later, as if like clockwork, my second major decision had been made.

It was this past Tuesday that I had been lying in my bed, feeling ill and half asleep on my bed,  that my Blackberry, which was in hand, began to vibrate. I had received an email from my top school of choice informing me that my admissions decision had been posted online. I sat up, ignoring the pounding headache I had been fighting all day, and turned on my computer. I typed in the web address for my online application profile and logged in. There it was, my admissions decision was click away. I closed my eyes and hit the button…

Congratulations, you have been admitted to the Master’s program in Graphic Communications
Management and Technology at New York University.

And there it was, that other decision I had to make.

After weeks of uncertainty and stress I can honestly say that I have never been more optimistic about my future. My rocky relationship with that boy has finally ended, and I know that I will be continuing my education to improve my future career. Though these decisions were both chosen for me, I know that I actually played a major role in them. I made the decision to apply to graduate school in the US and I worked towards that goal. Though I did not make the ultimate acceptance admission, I chose to give graduate school as shot. As well, I made the decision a long time ago that I deserved better than to be in relationship full of lies and deceit. This decision was the driving factor in ending the rocky relationship and choosing the path without this boy, the boy I thought I was going to marry.

It is now, with this new eyesight that my future has never been clearer. I know that in the next few months I will be moving to New York to study in this amazing program to build towards a successful future. Though there are still many decisions that I will come across, both in the near and far future, I feel like these past few weeks have prepared me to deal with them.

My future is clear, and I can’t wait.

————————

On a side note, and in reference to the future, new Uncover Ostomy pictures are coming soon!

In the meantime, John, from IDEAS has put together a caption contest for a new poster that begins on Monday through the Facebook Fanpage.

Check it out!

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The “Lasts” of Things [And Happy Valentine's Day!]

February 15, 2011 By

Lasts of Things

It’s slowly becoming more and more real that the things I have become accustomed to are coming to an end.

Two weekends ago I attended my fourth and final sorority parent ball. It’s a big event that the sorority throws to invite parents into our special circle to see what it’s all about. The first ball I went to was the chance for me to convince my parents that a sorority wasn’t all the media represented it to be. I made them meet every parent possible, ask questions, and meet the girls. I wanted them to feel the sisterhood that I had felt in my short time in Alpha Gamma Delta. To my luck, the event had convinced my parents that the sorority was a great new part of my life.

My parents then came to my second parent ball with bells on. It was a very special ball because it was the last my father was able to attend before he passed away in 2009.

My third parent ball was strange because it was the first time I had really felt like a single-parent child. People felt awkward about talking about the “parent” ball it in front of me, and I was awkward back. My mom, who loved AGD just as much as I did, still wanted to come and I was more than happy to have her be my date. It was a tough night for both of us, but we did have a great time.

These feelings of sisterhood and coming to terms with losing my father were felt more than ever at this last parent ball. It was the same as always- parents, girls in dresses, food, and dancing. It was great to finally be the girl that convinced other parents about how amazing AGD is, which I did through my presidential address. It was also special because my mom was the one who gave the customary “father of the president” speech. Though still slightly strange being there with only one parent, having started these events with two, you could feel the love of the sisterhood and their parents when they applauded both mine and my mother’s speeches.

It was a strange feeling, it being the last parent ball, but it certainly was a wonderful last experience.

This past Saturday, I had another last experience- Crush.

Twice a year, AGD throws a Crush party where girls invite boys to a semi-formal. This was my 8th and last Crush. Though it was strange being older and more mature then many of the younger newbies, it was still fun to get dressed up and dance the night away. It also helped that I had a great date.

On Sunday, I had again, another last experience- Composite Pictures

Sunday morning, I got all dolled up to take my 4th and final composite picture for the sorority composite. I put in extra effort than I had in years past because this year, my picture was going to be in the top middle with “President” underneath. Never in my past composites had I ever thought that was where I would be.

These “lasts” of sorority things are both sad and scary as they just keep reminding me that every day I get a little bit closer to entering the real world. Soon, I will be leaving the comfort of this circle of girls to enter a world full of bills, stress, and life.

Though I have severely hated these “lasts,” there was one in particular today that I could not have been happier about:

Today was the last time I ever hated Valentine’s day.

Since I can remember, I have always loathed VDay like most single girls- mainly because I’ve been single for every Feb 14th since my birth.

It wasn’t just because I was single, but was a combination of being left out of getting valentines cards in elementary school, the “your my valentine” cards from my mom attached to the box of chocolate I would engorge out of self-loathing, and getting the “pity” vday cards from my highschool friends because they were all dating each other and I was the odd one out. It was never a good day and I’ve always hated it.

Today, however, was the last day I could ever say I hated Valentine’s day because I was given my own special Vday surprise.

While cooking dinner in a sea of bitterness, I had a special somebody appear in the doorway of the kitchen with this special Valentine’s present for me.

For the first time in my life, someone other than my friends with their pity cards, or my mom with her chocolates, actually thought I was special enough for a gift.

While I agree that the whole day is simply a commercial interest for corporations all over the world, it’s still really nice to know someone cares.

I hope everyone else was able to have a special day.

If not, you will

It took 21 years for me :]

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May the New Year Bring Only Joy

December 31, 2010 By

I’m back from a wonderful vacation in Jamaica with my mother and brother, and currently heading to London to spend New Year’s Eve with my boyfriend. It is this time of year that you must spend with the ones you love because you never know when the opportunity will disappear.

Over the past few years I have become very aware of this, with my grandmother and my father’s passing, but as of last night, the point was reiterated yet again.

Myself and my sorority sisters found out late yesterday evening that one of our graduated members had passed away. She was only 22.

This girl had been around during my first year in the sorority and then became one of my roommates when I lived in the sorority house in my second year. We had many great memories together.

Last year, we grew apart because she left the sorority and I was busy dealing with the loss of my father, school, and everything else a normal person my age has to deal with. I posted on her facebook wall but I never got around to actually seeing her. I always figured I had time.

Though I never make New Year’s resolutions, I decided that this year would be an exception. I have always know that I have difficulty keeping in touch with the friends I have made over the years. I always just expect to see them again in a certain situation, which I usually do, and it’s like old times. I realize that I can no longer make this assumption and must make the effort to stay in touch.

My new year’s resolution is to actively reach out to those that I have made friendships with so that I will never miss the opportunity to show them what they’ve meant to me.

Happy New Years, and may 2011 only bring good things.

————-

Video from my Jamaican vacation will be coming soon, keep checking.

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Whirlwind of a Few Weeks!

December 20, 2010 By

So I’m on the train from London to Toronto right now. And I’m posting a blog.

Oh yeah, trains have internet now. Did you know?

Anywayssss, I had exams this week and was studying for my Grad exam. I finished school exams yesterday afternoon and now am finally able to relax for a little while.

Today was the beginning of my winter vacation and it started off with a lovely brunch at my boyfriend’s parents’ house. The atmosphere was extremely inviting and I enjoyed spending time with him and his family.

Like I said, I’m on the train back home. I’ll be home for about a day until my mom, brother, and I head off to Jamaica! It’ll be really nice to lie in the sun [while studying….] enjoy some resort cuisine, and spend time with the family.

This time I will also be taking tons of REAL video footage because John, from IDEAS, got me a flip camera! Not like last trip with my montage of photographs. This time, I will be videotaping as much as I can between flash cards and math equations under the sun. It’ll be great. [PS: Anything specific you want me to film? Comment away!]

After Jamaica, I return to Toronto to study more before I head back to London on New Years Eve. I’m kind of excited because my boyfriend has decided to forgo partying with his friends to spend it with me. He’s the best.

Lots of traveling in the next two weeks which will finally be over during the 2nd week of January when I head off for a super secret trip! I’ve been told I’m not allowed to talk about it yet, but trust me, it’s very very exciting!

That’s all for my train blog now. Comment below on what you want to see in Jamaica :]

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I Haven’t Disappeared on You!

November 12, 2010 By

I think it’s that time of year when I’ve reached the stage of total mental block.

I have sat at my computer and rewritten this blog post 4 times.

I started out apologizing for my absence for the past week due to the amount of homework I’ve had paired with the concussion I had last Wednesday. [I may have fallen down some stairs after my legs gave out…]

Then I realized I write/whine about that too often, so I changed it. I began writing about the semi-formal “Crush” event my sorority is holding tonight that I will be getting fancied up for. That wasn’t cutting it either.

I was then going to write…well complain about the drama in my love life… but then I realized I can’t even figure out if I am even a part of my own love life or I’m just a bystander watching it all happen around me. At the moment, I don’t even care. I’m happy as a clam.

I’m halfway [I suppose] through the blog I was going to write and it seems just as disorganized and confusing as my brain is right now. It’s too full of this thing I have to plan and this assignment I have to do and this thing I have to say to someone…. I feel like I have so many thoughts, that they are spewing from my ears.

I’d like to attribute this to just being a stressed out university student. It doesn’t happen when I become an adult does it?

Don’t answer that.

Ok, enough of my rambling. At least you all know that I’m alive now and haven’t disappeared off the face of the planet. Yay.

I’ve got tons more things happening in the next few weeks and I PROMISE I will sit down and tell you all about it. In the meantime, if you have anything you want me to talk about [I already have one suggestion lined up] then let me know and I’ll see what I can do!

OH, PS: If anyone is in the London Ontario, I will be speaking at an event for the London and District Ostomy Association on Nov 18th. If you’re around, come see me speak :]

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I’ve Been Lavaliered

August 4, 2010 By

“You’ve been what?”

That’s probably what you’re thinking. I didn’t know what it was myself until I joined my sorority.

A lavalier is a necklace in the bearing the letters of a fraternity or sorority.

They are a pretty big deal in the US Fraternity and Sorority system, but no one’s really caught on over in Canada so I’ve never really heard of anyone at my university getting one.

I may be the first.

My boyfriend, one of the president’s of a fraternity on campus, went away last week to the convention they had in Phoenix [same thing that I went to in Tampa] and learned about the Greek system out there himself. He came across a lavaliere and decided he would buy it for me. I really didn’t expect this from him considering he’s not really into the whole fraternity tradition thing. I was definitely surprised.

Bringing tradition to the UWO Greek Scene? Hmmm…

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“Steal A Hug When Arms Are Open, Grab A Hand When It Is Lonely, Give A Kiss To Fill The Silence, Say I Love You Whenever You Can”

June 2, 2010 By

I started writing this Sunday night, then continued Monday, and the internet wouldn’t work because it was raining so I never got to post it. Here it is a few days later…

I forgot how much I love to act. I forgot how amazing it felt to take over the identity of another character, live their life, feel their feelings, and escape from my own.

Today I filmed a Coca-Cola commercial for a competition they are holding.

I won’t go into much detail about the plot of the commercial because I’m hoping to post it as soon as I’m allowed [seems like it will be a couple weeks] but I will tell you that my character was a girl madly in love with a boy who was madly in love with her.

Girl in love with boy, boy in love with girl. Hm. No problem.

I showed up on location thinking, “pftt this is easy, I can act anything” but as I was being told exactly what to do and what facial expressions to make, I started realizing I really wasn’t sure how to be in love. I didn’t know how to show it in my face, my actions, and I didn’t know how to feel it inside.

Over the past little while I’ve had some crazy experiences all based around the concept of love. Family love, love for friends, and love for a special person. Over this past little while, however, everything I thought I knew about love has changed.

Guess this wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.

To make matters worse, the guy I was supposed to be madly in love with would not stop trying to hit on me. And not cute flirty hit on me, but more obnoxious egotistical hit on me. Ugh.

Well, being the professional that I am, I decided I needed to move away from this guy and breathe. I was going to do this, I was going to figure it out. I moved into my own space and began to think about the meaning of love.  How does love feel inside? Maybe if I can figure that out, I’ll just be able to express it in my facial expression and movements. But I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t figure out what it felt like to be in love. Everything I once thought I knew was blank.

After sitting away from everyone for a little while, I noticed my co-star walking towards me. To keep from hearing another cheesy pickup line, I began to skim through my phone messages to look busy. To my luck, I came across an email that was sent to me a little while back that had my answer. It said;

“Love is something to be excited about, to get that burning feeling inside of you.

 It should be something that makes you look forward to each new day.”

Excitement. Burning. Looking forward to each new day. Excitement, Burning. Looking forward to each new day….

Love is about wanting to spend every waking moment with the person you feel it for. It’s about the spark you feel when you’re next to them, when you touch them, when you hold thema. It’s about going to bed excited to wake up next to that person. It’s about never wanting to let go.

I looked up at my co-star and began to see him through different eyes.

Ok. I can do this.

And I did.

———————————————–

After we shot the commercial I read over the email again and noticed one more thing it said;

“Steal a hug when arms are open, grab a hand when it is lonely,

 give a kiss to fill the silence, say I love you whenever you can.”

I think I will.

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