18 Mar Seeing Into the Future
It is after finally healing from my corrective eye surgery that my future has become clear.
It was over a number of weeks before surgery that I struggled to organize the various pieces of my life into some semblance of a future to look forward to. I had many paths in front of me but no idea which one I was going to take. I had applied to graduate schools in the US, but was unsure if I would be given an acceptance. If I was not accepted, something out of my control, then I was going to find a job I enjoyed and begin to work my way up in that career. Though I was unsure which path I was going to take, the decision was going to be easy because it would be made for me.
One decision that I had to make was a decision that was not going to be given to me. I was still involved with the same boy I had been involved with over the past two years, but did not know if I was going to carry out the rocky relationship long distance after my graduation. I knew that going to grad school versus getting a job was a decision that would be made for me depending on my acceptances to school, but it was the path of this relationship that was left in my hands; or so I thought.
Having had this boy in my life two years prior to our involvement, I could not see a future without him in it. He had been there for me through thick and thin and, despite our issues, I always had faith in our relationship because I trusted him with all my heart. With the uncertainty of my postgraduate path, I knew 100% that distance was going to come between this boy and I as he was going to be staying in our university town while I would either be moving back home, two hours away, or to another country for graduate school. What would be the best option for the both of us? What was I going to choose?
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the decision became clear.
On my return to school post eye surgery, I had found out some information about this boy [that I knew to be true] that did not bode well for our relationship situation. However, because of the immense trust I had in him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, hoping he could be honest and just explain what I knew. Instead, he lied to me, only admitting to his lies a few days later.
To know me well means to know that lying is something I will never put up with. A lie, to me, is the pinprick in a bubble of trust, letting the air of support seep out until there is nothing left. Though we had our issues, this boy and I, it was the unwavering trust I had for him that kept me going back time and time again. This lie, however, was something new, something that, [as far as I knew, I guess] had never happened before. In my mind, if there was no trust, there was no going back. The decision had been made.
Moving on from this unfortunate situation, I awaited the news that would determine my next few years. A week later, as if like clockwork, my second major decision had been made.
It was this past Tuesday that I had been lying in my bed, feeling ill and half asleep on my bed, that my Blackberry, which was in hand, began to vibrate. I had received an email from my top school of choice informing me that my admissions decision had been posted online. I sat up, ignoring the pounding headache I had been fighting all day, and turned on my computer. I typed in the web address for my online application profile and logged in. There it was, my admissions decision was click away. I closed my eyes and hit the button…
Congratulations, you have been admitted to the Master’s program in Graphic Communications
Management and Technology at New York University.
And there it was, that other decision I had to make.
After weeks of uncertainty and stress I can honestly say that I have never been more optimistic about my future. My rocky relationship with that boy has finally ended, and I know that I will be continuing my education to improve my future career. Though these decisions were both chosen for me, I know that I actually played a major role in them. I made the decision to apply to graduate school in the US and I worked towards that goal. Though I did not make the ultimate acceptance admission, I chose to give graduate school as shot. As well, I made the decision a long time ago that I deserved better than to be in relationship full of lies and deceit. This decision was the driving factor in ending the rocky relationship and choosing the path without this boy, the boy I thought I was going to marry.
It is now, with this new eyesight that my future has never been clearer. I know that in the next few months I will be moving to New York to study in this amazing program to build towards a successful future. Though there are still many decisions that I will come across, both in the near and far future, I feel like these past few weeks have prepared me to deal with them.
My future is clear, and I can’t wait.
On a side note, and in reference to the future, new Uncover Ostomy pictures are coming soon!
In the meantime, John, from IDEAS has put together a caption contest for a new poster that begins on Monday through the Facebook Fanpage.
AmyPosted at 06:53h, 18 March
Jess, I am so proud of you! I've officially caught up to your blogs, and my eyes are swollen with tears. I love you and am so thankful to have you in my life 🙂