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You Never Get Used To It- No Matter How Small

February 9, 2012 By 5 Comments

Tomorrow I’ll be having a minor surgical procedure.

Now, don’t get all worked up- it’s nothing ostomy related. I wouldn’t exactly deem it Crohn’s disease related either, but it is definitely a by-product of my low immune system.

I wont go into much detail about it, except for the fact that it’s a tiny surgery/out-patient/ not a big deal-kind of thing.

If it was a big deal, my mother would be on a plane right now to NYC to take care of me. Since she has decided not to, I can only assume this is nothing to worry about.

I’m still beyond nervous.

I hate this. Every part of it. And every part of me shows it.

Whenever I visit a doctor’s office for some small procedure, I can’t sit still. I squirm, or make faces, or both. I do this because I know what’s coming- often, in far too much detail. Most of the time,  the doctor notices my awkward reactions, reviews my chart and says, “hey, you’ve been through much worse than this. This is nothing.”

Ok doc, let me just grab a scalpel and let you feel it.

No matter how many times I’ve been sliced, diced, and sewn back together, it hurts and I hate it.

I don’t believe the ideology that the more it happens, the more you get used to it. Maybe it’s true and others get used to it, but in my case, no.

Maybe I’m just a baby.. Or I’m too self-aware.

Yes, that’s it. I am aware of everything that is going on around me, behind me, above me, and every pair of eyes that are judging me.

My self-awareness comes out mostly when I get a pre-surgery consult. I realize all too obviously that I am lying on an examination table and someone is staring at me.  This self-awareness leads me to become awkward and uncomfortable from the set of eyes (sometimes even two) that are scanning every part of me.

Knowing that I cannot avoid this inevitability, I often follow the mantra, “if I can’t see them, they can’t see me.”

AKA- I take my forearm and place it directly over my eyes so that I cannot see the individual who is deciding how is he is going to lacerate my body.

How am I a grad student?

No matter how old and mature I get as the years go by, I believe that the number of big or little procedures I’ve had, or will have, will not change the fact that I am still that 8 year old girl who began the journey of dealing with Crohn’s.

Have you gotten used to surgery? How do you do it?

Wish me luck tomorrow!

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You Don’t Exist Without a Business Card

February 3, 2012 By 2 Comments

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been trying my hand at this whole “networking thing.”

No, not social networking- the original networking: real life, real people, meeting in person, type networking.

Thanks to NYU, I have had the opportunity to go to events alongside various successful individuals, including some top level execs in the tech industry. I have attended these events in the hopes of making connections to someday (soon) land myself an awesome job.

I’ve been learning through these experiences important etiquette for successful networking: dress well, introduce yourself with a firm handshake, remember names, and trade business cards.

Wait, what? Business card?

“Oh, I’m sorry! I don’t have a business card! Let me just scribble, in my terrible chicken scratch handwriting, my email address for you.”

…

Ok, so I’ve been doing pretty well up until the whole “business card thing.”

At every event I have been to so far, I’ve had to embarrassingly admit that I did not have a card to my name.

I was cardless.

Identityless.

Jobless.

Yet, not opportunityless.

For some extremely lucky reason, I was given a free ticket (retail price $999 USD) to attend the Social Commerce Summit happening in NYC. This event will include people such as Alex Maybank, CEO and Founder of Gilt Groupe, Jason Goldberg, the CEO and Founder of fab.com, and Tim O’Shaughnessy, CEO and Co-Founder of LivingSocial. (Holy awesomely cool, right??) These amazing people in the tech industry who will be there are going to attract other amazing people in the tech industry and they will all be surrounding me at this event next week.

Too bad I don’t exist….

Well, at least I didn’t exist when I got my hands on this ticket…

The people who know me know that, however often I make a fool of myself (unfortunately, too often), that I am quick to fix the cause of my idiocy. So, in order not to look like a complete tool at this amazing event, I decided to make myself some business cards.

Originally, I was going to build myself a website in HTML5 that would be the hub of my life; social networking sites, portfolio, resume, contact, etc, and then I was going to make a corresponding business card. Realizing that I am actually in need of MUCH training to build a website for myself, and that it will take me quite a long time to do so, I decided to reverse the process. Instead, I designed my business card in a way that I will eventually design my entire website. Not ideal, but I had to do something.

Today, I received that something in the mail:

Now, let me be clear on a few things:

  1. I realize the cards are small, but I had a credit for a free set of these. I figured, why not? They’re still pretty cute and unique.
  2. It’s hard to see them here with my terrible photography skills.
  3. It’s even harder to make out the cool background I made… if you look closely… It’s a keyboard.. hehe

Well, there you have it. I have a card to my name. I can attend this events, talk to people, shake hands, and trade identities.

I mean- business cards.

Watch out tech world.. I’m coming…

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This Makes 9

January 31, 2012 By 3 Comments

Bleep.

That’s the sound I awoke to from my cell phone at 6:30am.

“Good morning. Wishing you a Happy 9th Bagiversay! So proud of what you have accomplished.”

That was the message I received from my mother at 6:30am. What a sweetie.

Today is my 9th bday. My 9th anniversary of having a bag. 9 years ago today I was waking up groggy and in pain after surgery. 9 years ago today I got my ostomy.

As with every year over the past few years, I had forgotten, until my mother reminded me this early morning.

Why do I forget? Well, as I’ve said many times before, I forget because my ostomy is so much apart of me that I never remember to recognize it as a separate entity. I mean, do we remember to celebrate the anniversary of having an arm? ..Ok I guess we do when we celebrate birthdays, but you get my point. It’s part of me and it’s hard for me to remember that there was a day when I didn’t have it and a day when I did.

What am I doing to celebrate, you ask? Laundry.

Today is just like any other day.

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Call Me Crazy. You Wouldn’t Be The First.

January 29, 2012 By 1 Comment

This past week I attended a professional workshop about goals. We were taught how to focus our desires to achievable goals, taught how to reach these goals in a timely manner, and taught to stretch these goals bigger than the original. The point of stretching the goals, we were told, is so that if they are not reached in their entirety, the original goal has a better chance of being accomplished.

In most cases, I believe that stretching goals is a good idea. For instance, your goal is to lose 10 pounds? Well, stretch it to 15. If you happen to lose only 12, you’ve beaten your original goal. Or, you want to read 5 books over the next 4 months? Stretch it to 10. If you’ve read 7, you’re doing great!

Yes, in most cases, stretching your goals is a great way to reach above and beyond what you wish to do. However, in other cases, I believe if you’ve stretched a goal, that goal should then become the ultimate goal that must be accomplished. Could it be a little unrealistic? Sure. Could it be crazy? Well, most likely yes. Will it push you do the best and most that you can? I think so.

This is what I’m doing with Uncover Ostomy. Call me unrealistic, and call me crazy (you wouldn’t be the first) but I have some goals I want to accomplish for this campaign. Big-no- huge goals I want to reach. And I think I can do it.

Thanks to all of you, I’ve had an amazing response to last week’s video blog. I’ve had people reach out to me who are willing to help me find resources, people, time- anything. I’ve had meetings, discussions, phone calls, and more to come. Things are rolling and they’ve only just begun. I’ve focused my goals and I’m working to finish them in a timely manner.

Though you may think I’m crazy, I find my sanity in the fact that there are also many other people out there in the ostomy/IBD community who are working on achieving big goals to make a change as well.

For one, Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto, has the Rachel M. Flood Wound and Ostomy Care Education Program. This program, which I’ve mentioned before,  is working to build an education program for nurses to understand how to properly care for those before and after ostomy surgery. The goal of this project is to enroll every nurse in the relevant field in this program so that they can successfully treat ostomy patients both physically and mentally. In October, I spoke at a conference for the program and helped explain how nurses can encourage patients to spread their own ostomy awareness. I was asked to speak because the program believes that ostomy awareness begins at the beginning of the patient’s journey. This education program is a great way to teach nurses how to encourage openness and acceptance for the surgery. They have quite a large goal, but I believe they can do it.

Another great organization is Gut Inspired. This organization works to promote acceptance and vocalize the presence and commonality of IBD in Canada. They also aim to inform the public about IBD and reduce the stigma associated with digestive disease. It’s kind of like the IBD version of Uncover Ostomy, with large goals and all.

These initiatives are working hard to achieve their goals and have given me strength to focus on mine.

Or have made me unrealistically hopeful.

Hey, if they can do it- so can I.

The goal workshop I went to also spoke about sharing your goals. We were told that having goals did not really mean anything unless other people were involved. We were told that by telling  others about a goal was to, for one, ensure you do not give up the goal or “pretend it never existed” because others knew it did. The other, more important reason to share goals, however, was so that others could help you reach them.

And help you have.

I don’t think I can ever thank you all enough for everything you do. I know I thank you guys a lot, but how can I not? I can’t get anything done without you.  You support the campaign by actively participating in the community, you share the campaign with people you know (Did you know we hit over 3,600 fans of the Facebook page this week? ), and you personally ask your networks to help the campaign when it’s needed.

When I reach my goals, it’ll be because of you.

Thanks guys.

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[Video] I Need Help

January 15, 2012 By

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Have You Noticed the Increase in Weight Loss Commercials Recently?

January 10, 2012 By

Welcome to the New Year and to that gnawing feeling at the bottom of your stomach that you don’t think you’ll be able to keep your New Year’s Resolution.

The amount of weight loss commercials has increased on television recently in order to recruit individuals hoping to keep their New Year’s Resolution of losing weight. Pretty clever, huh?

(Also, did you know that fast food and restaurant commercials are more frequent late afternoon, right before dinner time? I learned this when I was put on bowel rest for the first time when I was 11 and wasn’t allowed to eat for 7 days. I paid very, very close attention to those commercials..)

But I digress!

I bring up New Year’s resolutions because I have been thinking about mine. Yes, it has already been over a week since the New Year began, but I needed some time to think.

After much soul-searching, deep thought, and sleeping on it- I have come up with 3 resolutions for the new year:

1 I will graduate NYU by the end of the summer and find a coveted job.

2. I will stay as happy as I was when the New Year began.

3. I will devote much more time and energy to the success of Uncover Ostomy.

My first resolution is not too much of a stretch. For those who do not know, I have already planned out the courses I will be taking in my graduate program so that I will finish the 2 year program at NYU in one calendar year. Assuming I do not fail any of my classes, (which I’ve never done before), this will be done. I knew this resolution was too simple, so I decided to add the second part of the resolution about landing a (super awesome) job. I am hoping that by graduating out of this program, I will be able to find myself a job that I actually enjoy and that will pay the bills (a girl can dream, right?) It was this time last year I was determining my future for the coming year, so it is only fitting that, now, I begin to think about the next year to come.

My second resolution may seem silly to many, but to those who know me, it is definitely not. Since my father passed away over 2 years ago, my life had sort of revolved around a cloud of unhappiness. I wasn’t overly unhappy, but I definitely wasn’t as happy as I could have been. I was, I would describe as- overwhelmingly pessimistic with a hint of sarcasm. I was suffering a loss, I was stressed with school, and people in my life were not making it easier. It is not surprising that I was unhappy, I suppose.

Slowly, over the past couple of months, that underlying unhappiness that was within every snide remark or negative comment I made has disappeared. Some have even told me that they can see the happiness exuding from my skin or from the words I type over facebook chat. You may even say that I am a pleasure to be around now (maybe.)

Much of this happiness has been attributed to the fact that stresses from school have lessened dramatically. I am learning practical and interesting things that do not require me to write 5, 15 page long essays per semester on the same, yet not the same topic. (I cannot even tell you how many different ways I wrote essays on the media’s power to disseminate messages to the masses. See the parallel with my opening statement now?) I am really enjoying my studying, making it much easier to handle.

My happiness also stems from the people around me. My family, for one, has grown stronger and happier since the sad loss of my father. While lost family members are never forgotten, they become easier to handle as time goes by. The holidays are always a hard time to deal with the loss of important people, but this year it was more of a year to celebrate memories, then morn a loss.  It was wonderful seeing my family so happy this holiday season. It brought out a happiness in myself.

The majority of my happiness, as a lot of people have pointed out that they have noticed, can be accredited to my boyfriend. Though I don’t get to see him very often, knowing that he is in my life has made me wonderfully content. During the holiday’s, I was able to spend a full 2.5 weeks with him, maximizing the time we had together. While I was in Toronto, he accompanied me to holiday dinners with my family, we spent the rest of the holiday’s together at his place in Florida with his family, and then we rang in the new year together in NYC. My New Year’s Resolution is to maintain this content feeling- this happiness- that I have gotten from him for the entire year.  As long as he remains in my life, it won’t be hard.

My third resolution is focused on this campaign. Since its launch, Uncover Ostomy has only been growing larger and stronger; successfully spreading ostomy awareness. While we’ve been doing great things together over the past little while, there is so much more I want to do.

We all know that the vast majority of the UO audience are those who have ostomies themselves.  While I am ecstatic to have so many devoted participants in this campaign, it is only half the battle. As you know, UO is a two tiered endeavor: to spread acceptance of the ostomy to those with them, and to teach those without them what they are. So far, the second tier is lagging behind.

Over the past few months, I’ve come up with ideas that I really believe could break Uncover Ostomy into the public realm. The fact that I live in NYC has given me a geographical advantage to reach a wider audience than before and I believe that what I have in mind can do that. While my location may be ideal, and my ideas pretty freakin awesome, my ability to make use of them is not quite as easy as I had hoped. I have two main obstacles stopping me: time and resources. While I worked to get over these obstacles by setting aside time to find resources, I plan to work even harder at it in the new year. Unfortunately, my endeavors so far have come up pretty unsuccessful. I have gotten many hollow promises of help, if not complete rejections. Hopefully, more by devoting more time to this search, I will come up with something.  I have great ideas for us, but it’s hard to get anything done when you do not have the money to do it.

I think the three diverse resolutions I have given myself for the 2012 year will be good for my mind, my heart, and my soul. I am going to work hard to enhance my skills and build my career; I am going to maintain the happiness that exists in my life from the people who I am surrounded by; and I am going to work even harder to find ways to spread awareness for our great cause.

As I conclude this post, I hope that my resolutions have given you some inspiration for your own. I hope for you, in the 2012 year, that you will work hard to advanced yourself in any way you can, whether it be through more school, finally quitting your job and finding one you really love, or taking up that hobby you have been dreaming of doing for a while. I hope that you will find, if not maintain a happiness that makes you wake up every morning with a smile on your face, happy to have special people in your life. I also hope for you, in the 2012 year, that you will help Uncover Ostomy continue to spread awareness. We have accomplished so much, but still have so much more to do.

Friends, let go of that gnawing feeling because, this year, you will keep your New Year’s Resolution.

Happy 2012 <3

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(Sidenote: This post started out on the topic of weight loss commercials because I was eating pickles, and noticed the pickle jar said that 1.5 pickles were 0 calories and then I thought, if I ate only pickles for an entire week, I could essentially not ingest any calories and then a weight loss commercial came on and then I remembered I needed to blog. Whoops.)

 

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7 Days, 4 Classes, 2 Projects, 2 Exams Later…

December 20, 2011 By

…And I’ve finished my first semester at New Y0rk University.

You may be thinking, “Wait, she’s done already? There were no posts full of endless whining, no incoherent posts due to essay writing fatigue, and there were no posts at 3am with late night ramblings ..What?”

I am shocked myself.

This past week has been the most overwhelming, yet most calm exam period of my educational career. Despite the complexity of the projects and the material I was to study, I found it a surprisingly palatable week. The projects were actually kind of fun, despite the stress of getting all the work done on time, and the exams were not that fear inducing.  Perhaps this was all because I actually enjoyed what I had learned over the past few months.

On Tuesday, I had a group project due, for my Social Media Management class, that required us to create a social media strategy for a company in need. Considering I am a social media strategist, (oh yeah, if you didn’t know that about me, I am), the project was a way for me to practice my profession.

On Thursday, I had an individual project due, for my Building a Brand class, that required me to rebrand a brand identity that was in need. Now I am not a designer, but I have found myself to have an back for branding. At least from this project I have. I spent 3 weeks putting together an entire brand redesign from the research to the brand brief, to the actual images, to its specifications (including math!), to create a final product. I had never done this before but it was great experience. (And I think I did well!)

Friday was much more stressful than those of the previous days- It was my Managerial Finance exam! I had studied as much as I could while completing the other two projects and felt quite comfortable in my knowledge. I was comfortable, that is, until I saw how much math was on the exam. I do know I passed so there’s no stress there.

Today I had my last exam in Management. I had studied all weekend, with the exam being worth a whopping 85%, but I wasn’t nervous. I had paid attention and participated in every class and had quite enjoyed the material I was learning. Though I didn’t know a few things on the exam, I still know I did well.

The main reason this exam week was so stress free was because I actually enjoyed everything I was creating, compiling, learning, and studying. This stuff is real, useful, and pretty fun. I mean, the class titles even sound enjoyable. (Well, to me at least…)

I’m not knocking my undergraduate education, but I have to say, I am finally learning the things I want to learn and the things that will prepare me for my future career.

I have just finished packing my suitcase for winter break; something I am greatly looking forward to. This year, however, I am not looking forward to it as a stress reliever, but am simply looking forward to seeing friends, family, and my boyfriend. I will only have 4 days in Toronto, as I am heading to Naples, Florida with the boyfriend and his family. After only a few days there, however, we will be heading back to NYC so I can-yes- start school again.

Yup. I am taking a course over the “winter semester.” 3 intensive weeks of one class for 3 credits staring Jan 3rd. Then I start again on January 23rd.

Why, you might ask?

While I greatly enjoy learning what I am in this program at NYU, I have also learned- maybe from the program itself- that I am ready to join the workforce. After careful planning and consideration, I have decided to  do this 2 year program in one calendar year. It will take a lot of time, dedication, and studying, but I am ready to put these skills to work.

And make some money.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the holiday season with the ones I love.

Happy holidays everyone!

Also, we have surpassed 3,500 people on the Facebook Fanpage! So exciting! Remember to keep inviting your friends!

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I’m All For Mutual Awareness, But Not In This Case

December 9, 2011 By

Today, an article by Cosmo magazine was brought to my attention.

The girl who shared it with me shared it on my Facebook wall was extremely excited that the article was promoting Ulcerative Colitis and the Ostomy.

I was extremely excited too- about time!

I was excited, that is, until I read it.

If you read through this article, you will see some great awareness about the difficulty that Ulcerative Colitis patients face. Jennifer Martin, the subject of this article, goes into great detail about her symptoms and paints a very real picture of living with the disease. It was a great way to spread awareness about this terrible disease.

While this was great awareness for Ulcerative Colitis, it was definitely not great awareness for the ostomy. In fact, it was the opposite.

If you read a little further in, you’ll realize that she refers to her “poopbag,” or temporary ostomy before her J-Pouch, in an extremely negative light.

She states,

“…I couldn’t enjoy food and was attached to a poopbag.”

And

“When I woke up from the last surgery and wasn’t attached to the bag, it was the best feeling in the world.”

Sounds like she couldn’t get rid of it fast enough. Which, in her case, might not have been the best option, because if you read on, she continued to have issues post J-Pouch surgery.

Hm.

I’m all for awareness for IBD, don’t get me wrong, but not when it’s anti-awareness for one of its helpful, if not necessary remedies.

I think what I find most disturbing about this article is that Jenn is not just a random girl with the disease. No, Jenn actually runs support website for those with Crohns and Colitis. She has a voice.

According to Cosmo, a very large voice.

I am deeply saddened by this article and have written a message to cosmo about it here. In my letter, I applaud them for discussing the much needed topic of IBD, but I insist that the article painted the ostomy in a negative light. I suggested that a supplementary article be written to combat this and gave them this website as a resource. I encourage you to do the same.

Thanks guys <3

 

Edit: I would like to clarify that I, in no way, am referring to having J-Pouch surgery as a bad thing, nor am I trying to offend those who opted to have it. If you can successfully have the surgery, all the power to you. What I have merely tried to state here is just because someone can have the J Pouch surgery and no longer have to have an ostomy, it does not make it ok to say negative things about it in an article with an enormous audience. Speaking as representative of those with IBD and as a past ostomy patient, she should not have painted the ostomy so negatively. As I commented on the Facebook link, if a homeless man won the lottery, is it ok for him to insult those who are still on the streets? What do you think?

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