-Insert One of Shane’s NCA Comments Here-

March 29, 2011 By

[For those who don't know, NCA means not camp appropriate]

It was July of 2007 and I had just arrive at the Calgary airport, fresh off the plane from Toronto, excited to get to Camp Horizon Ostomy camp for the second time. There he was, waiting for me. I was one of 4 campers on his list to pick up.

I saw him, ran up to him, and said, “Hey Shane! Remember me?”

It had been 3 years since I had been to camp.

“I want to say yes…” he replied, and then made one of his signature silly faces.

He didn’t recognize me.

We had been emailing on and off over those three years, but I had changed dramatically since my first time at camp; I had lost about 25 pounds, grew about 6 inches, and matured 3 years. It’s amazing what having ostomy surgery and getting healthy will do for you.

Eventually he realized who I was and we reunited with a great warm hug.

That week of ostomy camp with Shane had been just as fun and memorable as the week three years prior. It was meaningful, exciting, and of course with him, absolutely hilarious.  Shane had been volunteering at camp for years after his run as a camper in the 90s had come to an end. He lived and breathed camp Horizon and all that it stood for. He had gotten so much love and support from ostomy camp that he had always felt he owed it to the camp to give it right back.

You can imagine how thrilled I was to have the opportunity to volunteer with him this past summer alongside his years of experience and his passion for the camp. Again, that week of camp was filled with love and support and a whole bunch of ridiculous events.

Shane and Jason [Sorry Jay, I just had to post this!]This past summer’s week of ostomy camp ended with myself, Shane, and his best friend and another volunteer Jason hanging out in the airport waiting for our flights back home to our various destinations. We were only really just sitting at a table in the fast food area joking and laughing but I think it was one of the most memorable times I’ve had from ostomy camp.

This past November I had spoken for an ostomy event in BC with Pat, the coordinator for camp Horizon ostomy camp. After I spoke, she stood up, did a little speech, and played an old recording of a news report from the 90s all about camp. I watched the video go into what camp was all about and how important it was to campers when all of a sudden Shane’s teenage face popped up. I burst out laughing. He looked so small and silly and all I could think about was seeing him at camp the next summer and teasing him in person about how adorable he was.

Little did I know that his silly jokes in the airport terminal restaurant were the last jokes I would ever hear come out of his mouth.

Last night, Shane passed away from a stroke.

He was only 31, and 18 at heart.

I really didn’t know how to go about writing this blog. I figured throwing in some quick summaries of what he meant to me was good, but it really does not even begin to describe the passionate, strong, and funny person he was. I know a lot of people who knew and loved him are going to read this and have their own memories to share and I wish I could write them all down and really share to everyone how amazing he really was.

Though I only really spent time with Shane for a week here and there, I felt like he was a major part of my life. Shane not only gave me support and hope in terms of my ostomy, but gave me a great friendship from our conversations over email, MSN, or Facebook chat. These conversations would usually be about absolutely nothing but we would just talk all the time. Talk about camp, talk about video games, talk about school, or the fact that he had been telling me for years that he was going to come visit me in Ontario…

He had actually told me at camp this summer that he was planning to come to Ontario and promised he would visit me…

As I said, there is no way I can summarize Shane into a blog post, and those who knew him as well can attest to that. He was just very special person.

Shane, I will really really miss you <3

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May the New Year Bring Only Joy

December 31, 2010 By

I’m back from a wonderful vacation in Jamaica with my mother and brother, and currently heading to London to spend New Year’s Eve with my boyfriend. It is this time of year that you must spend with the ones you love because you never know when the opportunity will disappear.

Over the past few years I have become very aware of this, with my grandmother and my father’s passing, but as of last night, the point was reiterated yet again.

Myself and my sorority sisters found out late yesterday evening that one of our graduated members had passed away. She was only 22.

This girl had been around during my first year in the sorority and then became one of my roommates when I lived in the sorority house in my second year. We had many great memories together.

Last year, we grew apart because she left the sorority and I was busy dealing with the loss of my father, school, and everything else a normal person my age has to deal with. I posted on her facebook wall but I never got around to actually seeing her. I always figured I had time.

Though I never make New Year’s resolutions, I decided that this year would be an exception. I have always know that I have difficulty keeping in touch with the friends I have made over the years. I always just expect to see them again in a certain situation, which I usually do, and it’s like old times. I realize that I can no longer make this assumption and must make the effort to stay in touch.

My new year’s resolution is to actively reach out to those that I have made friendships with so that I will never miss the opportunity to show them what they’ve meant to me.

Happy New Years, and may 2011 only bring good things.

————-

Video from my Jamaican vacation will be coming soon, keep checking.

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The Holiday Season

December 6, 2010 By

Oh the holiday season.

I guess for me, this season will always bring the good and the not-so-good emotions.

This time of year is a mix of emotions between enjoying time with the loved ones in your life but is also about remembering those who are no longer with you.

This weekend when I was home in Toronto I celebrated Channukah with both sides of my family. We went to my Bubbie’s house [My father’s mother] for our usual Friday night dinner. This time though, it was accompanied by latkas [the traditional jewish food during this holiday] and gifts. Saturday  too, included latkas and gifts with my mother’s side of the family.

I hadn’t really been around my family for a few months since I had moved back to school, so it was a nice change. I missed everyone and enjoyed spending quality time with them.

Even though it has been a while since his passing, it has still been hard celebrating the holidays without my dad. I don’t really know how to put it into words, and I don’t know if I can, but it was hard.

To top it all off, yesterday, I received an email from a family with a picture attached. The mother of the family had emailed me explaining  how she had met my father. Apparently, the family had met my dad at Princess Margaret Hospital when my he was in for weekly blood transfusions and their daughter was in for treatments. The mother had told me how much fun my dad had been and what a great person he was. Attached to the email, was a picture of an ornament they had made of my father to put on their special “angel” tree. This tree has 12 ornaments of people they had met and who had passed over the past two years who they consider heroes.

I guess I didn’t really realize how much I missed my dad during the holidays until I received the email, last night, during my sorority holiday potluck dinner. I read the email as it came to my blackberry while sitting at a table with a bunch of my sisters. The email was so touching that I actually cried at the table. Luckily, I was able to hide it. However, in an instant my tears were quickly turned to laughs when a sister made a joke. The laughs reminded me of the love within my circle of friends and reminded me to cherish the time I had with them.

Last night was definitely a great moment during this holiday season. Of course I had an amazing time with my family back at home, but last night was special as well. At 6pm yesterday evening, our house began to fill with girls and food as we all prepared to feast for our holiday potluck. There were almost 50 girls present, each with a separate dish in hand. There was tons of food and laughter, and I had a great time.

Though this is really only the beginning of the holiday season, I have already experienced an overwhelming amount of joy and love. I am so lucky to have such special people in my life and I couldn’t be happier.

This holiday season, please appreciate the loved ones around you.

<3

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Happy Birthday to Me?

September 3, 2010 By

I am currently sitting on my couch, trying to recuperate from a 10 hour day at the Canadian National Exhibition. I’m also watching the clock change to midnight, making me 21.

The Ex used to be a long standing birthday tradition for me in my family. Every year, no matter what, we would spend the day there on my birthday or the day before or after. When I say “no matter what,” I mean that. I had to spend some of those trips in in a wheelchair because I was still sick with Crohn’s. It didn’t matter, though; I had to go.

Over the past few years, however, that tradition’s been slacking. Birthday’s in general, really, have become increasingly less important to me. I stopped going to the Ex. This was a great change, and I had a great day thanks to my Uncle, brother, and cousins, but really, I’m not very excited to be 21 today… Maybe it’s because I’m getting old?

According to the “guess your age” guy at the Ex, I’m 34.

I do always say I’m a 35 year old at heart, so it was close…

Anyways, birthday’s really haven’t meant much to me, especially after last year… with the whole dad thing… So yeah. I don’t really know what to say.

Well…My mom thinks it’s a big deal.

So “Happy-I’m-21” to my mom. Love you and thanks for giving birth to me etc etc  <3

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A Year Ago Today…

August 30, 2010 By

My dad passed away.

Still can’t believe it’s been a year. Well I still can’t believed it even happened.

I don’t really feel like writing a whole thing today. I just wanted to give him the honor of being mentioned. I know he would be proud of me for this blog, so this is the least I can do.

For those who are new to the blog and don’t know the story of what happened to my dad, you can read the blog I kept up for him during his journey here

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Happy Father’s Day. Still Miss You, Daddy <3

June 20, 2010 By

Today was the first time I’ve been to visit my dad’s grave.

Grave.

I hate saying that word.

Anyways, I visited him. I mean, it’s Father’s Day, so I had to. And it’s not like I don’t want to visit him… it’s just far. And I mean what do you say to a big rock and some grass that’s supposed to represent a person? It was weird. I really should go more often, though…

Well today is definitely not the kind of Fathers Day I’m used to.

I still remember last year as if it happened yesterday.

Dad was sick and weak, but we knew a bone marrow match had been found. We were positive about the situation. I, as a waitress at Moxies at the time, was not smart enough to book off work that evening. I was serving tables of families celebrating their dad’s. I guess at the time I had been so positive about the situation, I didn’t even think that anything bad would happen to my dad and that there would be many more father’s days to come. But as I got deeper into my shift, I realized that maybe I should be with the rest of my family, celebrating the day. The shift was slow, the restaurant was pretty empty, and I wasn’t waiting on many tables. I went to my manager who was supervising at the time and I told her that I realized where I needed to be. She knew what was going on with my family and, thankfully, let me go early and got the other servers to take over my tables. I ended up at my great uncles house just in time for dessert. I grabbed some delicious ice cream cake and sat beside my dad, wishing him a happy father’s day.

Still, to this day, I cannot even describe how thankful I am to that manager who let me leave. Because of her, I was able to enjoy the last father’s day I’d ever have with my dad.

Happy Father’s day to all the dad’s out there.

<3

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Late Night Ramblings on a Late Night Dream

June 4, 2010 By

There he was, sitting on the busy patterned couch in our living room in a white wifebeater tanktop and white boxers telling me how he had been alive this entire time. He explained how he slept most of the time and when he woke every so often he would stare at the top of the casket interior and hope that someone would realize he hadn’t died. Someone had and that was why he was sitting on the couch beside me, telling me. He was still sick, he said, and still needed a transplant. And then he laughed his warm laugh and it went blurry.

Daddy.

I had always heard rumours that eating dairy before bed gave you crazy dreams. I never believed it until now.

Last night I filmed another commercial for that competition I mentioned in the previous blog, and it required that I eat pizza. The filming went really late and I ended up eating some right before I went to bed. Clearly it had an effect on me.

I used to rarely have such vivid dreams. Especially dreams on something as meaningful as this.

I don’t really have much to write about today, I guess. I just needed to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading.

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Like We Needed To Do It Again…

May 17, 2010 By

Today was sunny and warm for the first time in a long time in Toronto.

I’d like to think today was that way because my dad made sure of it.

We needed the sun.

Today was my dad’s unveiling.

An unveiling is, in the Jewish tradition, pretty much like a second funeral. We stand around the grave, say some words, a few prayers, then have a reception with lots of food. What’s a Jewish get together without food?

It was nice to have the sun shine down on us today.

For those who don’t know, my dad passed away last August and today we “unveiled” his tombstone.

My mom said the stone looked nice.

I’m sure it did. I didn’t look at it.

I’m sure I will soon.

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Spring Cleaning

May 4, 2010 By

I’m back in Toronto, living in my old childhood room.

My hole of crap of a childhood room.

I literally have saved everything I’ve ever owned. Ever.

I decided today, that I would be brave and clean it out. How much of that childish stuff do I need anyways?

6 hours and 4 and a half garbage bags later, I’m still cleaning.

I had a lot of crap.

But I also had a lot of memories. Today was definitely a stroll down memory lane. I found arts and crafts I made from grade 1, pictures of me and my classmates from grade 6, and tons of old birthday cards. Oh and TONS of awful pictures of me one steroids. BURN.

It was weird though, seeing all the cards from my mom AND dad. And my Zaidy AND grandma. [For those who don’t know, my grandma died 2 Augusts ago, and my dad last August]. I guess I never really knew how important the cards were. I guess, I kept them…just because. But now I know there was a reason I kept them.

I guess you can say one girl’s crap is also her treasure?

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Let’s See What The New Year Brings

December 31, 2009 By

I’m having a hard time writing right now.

I wish I didn’t have a time limit, but I can’t really write about awaiting the new year tomorrow.

I just can’t quite get it out.

I know I hated this past year. 2009 sucked ass.

I mean sure, it brought on this awesome campaign and I couldn’t be happier with it- but sadly, the bad things that have happened outweigh the good.

2009 brought about the worst experiences of my life.

It opened my eyes to see the world as it really is. I saw people for who they really were, I was betrayed, I was lied to, I was put on an emotional rollercoaster of love. I was being stretched beyond my capabilities in school and in life, and I lost someone one of the most important people in my life- my dad.

In order to not sound like a horrible pessimist- I will admit that this past decade was pretty cool. I grew from a young immature little girl to who I am today. I am now more responsible, more aware of the world, and this past decade really made me who I am today.

Not only that but, holy crap, the advancement in technology couldn’t be greater! [yeah I’m a big nerd when it comes to this stuff but I just think it’s awesome]. I mean we’ve got facebook and twitter, and the wii, and smartphones, and Bluetooth, and all this cool stuff that would not have made any sense 10 years ago. I just cant help but wonder what we’re going to be graced with in the next decade.

Anyways, my mind is still kind of clouded.. and I doubt I’m making any sense.. but I’m just excited for the new year. I’m excited for change. I’m excited to start fresh. I’m just excited to see where I’m going to be in the next 10 years.

Good riddance 2009.

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