Or… plastic.

And the Princess and the Ostomy lived happily ever after.

I tell my story as if it was just that; a story; a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Unfortunately, 10 years later, I’ve had the unfortunate realization that there never is an end to anyone’s Crohn’s story. Not even mine.

The evil Crohn’s Dragon is back. And I am terrified.

I noticed that something was wrong when I discovered small lesion on my stoma (the intestine that sticks out of my stomach) and I had some uncomfortable pain in my abdomen. I immediately booked an ileoscopy (a colonoscopy for those without colons) to investigate as soon as I could. Sure enough, I awoke to the news that my Crohn’s had come back.

I was instantly put on an immunosuppresant drug (a drug that lowers your immune system making it very easy to get sick) called Imuran, and began the process to get myself covered for the other drug (Remicade) that costs $8,000 a dose and has to be given intravenously every few weeks. I also put myself on a soft food/liquid diet and cut out all my alcohol consumption (which, realistically isn’t such a bad thing after the year I’ve had.. haha). In 6 months, I was told, we would reassess.

This is weird.

This is the first time I am facing the disease as an adult and taking my medical care into my own hands. The last time I was got sick, I was only 9. Now, at 23, I am the one being told all of the facts, the options, the choices, and the risks. I make all the decisions.

Not only that, but this time, unlike the last, I actually know looming possibilities that are ahead of me if I am not careful. I could end up back in the hospital, unable to eat, unable to move, unable to stay awake in a haze of drugs, having to deal with a crippling amount of pain, and unable to live my life. I know what’s potentially on the horizon for me. I’ve been there before.

In the meantime, however, I am living life. I refuse to let the disease get in my way.

Which, luckily, right now hasn’t been that hard. I actually feel pretty good. Minus a few stomach aches here and there and minus the fact that I don’t get to eat much of anything at all, (some of my friends would say it’s not much of a change anyways…) I’m still a normally functioning human being. I am partying with friends, hanging out with my boyfriend, going to family dinners, working, shopping… In fact, I went to the gym today and exercised without an issue! At least, I didn’t have any issues until later as I walked out of the subway station and walked to the hospital for my appointment today and almost puked from nausea thanks to my other medication. (Try to fix one problem and get a bunch more, right?)… Ginger ale is my new bff.

The point is, I am actually doing pretty well, at the moment and I have my ostomy to thank. Yes, my Knight in Shining Plastic.

Without my ostomy, I can very much guess that I would be in much more pain as my food would have a longer path to travel to digest. I would also probably be running to the bathroom constantly, and I also probably wouldn’t be able to sleep from both those issues. All of these symptoms were what made dealing with my disease horrendous when I was a kid. However, thanks to my bag, I only get a bit of stomach pain for a very short amount of time and my bathroom time hasn’t changed. The ostomy really has been my life-saver. Even now.

However healthy I am feeling right now, I still can’t help but worry.  It has actually been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me since the diagnosis. I’ve gone from trying to ignore it, to trying to rationalize it, to even, if I’m going to be honest here, crying over it (though barely, since I really don’t cry and I’m strong and brave and all that…cough.). The emotions have been tough, but I have a great support system around me to help and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Unfortunately, no matter how many supportive people I have around me to help me through, the majority of the emotions and worry that I feel are not about the here and the now. These emotions are not about dealing with the immediate symptoms or the annoying and painful treatments I have to go through. They are about the looming future I could face.

I’ve been there. To hell.

And the thought of going back is terrifying.

Luckily, in the here and now, I am doing well. I am still able to work, still able to exercise, still able to go out with friends, and do all the things I want to do. I am still able to live myself as I did before. As long as I keep watching what I eat, as long as I keep taking my medication, and as long as I keep smiling, I know I’ll be alright.

Getting my first Remicade treatment at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto

“Hey! What does your shirt say?” 

Obviously, I stopped to explain.

Two members of the group seemed quite interested in what I had to say, while another joined in mid-way through my explanation. This guy asked me if I been on TV because he had remembered seeing me. (Yes, I had been and you can click if you haven’t seen it yet). After I finished my explanation, I walked cheerily away, happy to know I had spread some more ostomy awareness.

Lo and behold, I received a message from the UO contact form a few hours later reading:

I spent 5 minutes explaining to this guy and a group of his comrades that I shit in a bag (and showed it to them), yet he still managed to check out my website and fill out the contact form just to hit on me.

(Don’t worry, I responded with a gracious reply, thanking him for checking out the website.)

I often get asked if I’ve ever had a problem dating with an ostomy. Have I been turned down because of it? Have I been broken up with because of it? Have I had a hard time finding a guy at all because of it? The honest answer is no.

Well… the real honest answer is that it took me 5 years after ostomy surgery to actually be able to date since beforehand, I weighed much more than I do now (thanks to steroids) and was extremely awkward and weird (thanks to being isolated in the hospital without social interaction for 2 years.)

But after 5 years of growing into my body and learning how to socialize, the ostomy never, ever, ever, got in the way of my dating life. Since those years, I’ve been asked out multiple times, dated around, and actually been in relationships with a solid number of guys. Having an ostomy had never once gotten in the way of forming relationships at all. In fact, I used to hope that it would be a filtering device to keep the jerks at bay… but apparently not.

Anyhow, I have had such luck in the dating scene with an ostomy that I began to wonder why. Over the years, I’ve just kind of figured it’s been because I’ve always been so positive about it. I still wondered, though, how no guy has ever cared about my bag.

So I decided to do an experiment.

A lovely girlfriend of mine, new to the Toronto dating scene, decided to sign up for the free online dating site, OKCupid. She showed me how it worked and how she was getting some dates here and there simply from having her profile online.

I’ve always thought online dating was silly, but I thought this was the perfect opportunity to test how my ostomy would be received online. So, I signed up using my real name as my username, (which is apparently frowned upon but I clearly didn’t care…), filled out my profile in a quick haste, and threw up some pictures.

I don’t think I could have tried less.

And I did it on purpose.

When asked why I was on the site, I answered that I was there “for the laughs.” When asked what the first thing people notice about me was, I said “I don’t know, ask them.” I also specified that guys should only message me if they had a degree and a professional career (lol) and when I was asked what the most private thing I was willing to admit was, I said “Everything. Nothing is private. Just Google me.”

I basically put up a wall saying “hello, I’m a bitch” but used my pictures to intice them to Google me to come across the ostomy.

And they did.

In between the ridiculous messages from guys trying to be funny (like this guy)…

…or antagonistic to win over my attention, (like this guy)…

…or just trying to spark up a conversation (like this guy)…

…I would get a ton of messages from guys saying that they had Googled me and thought that was I was doing was great!

Some said that they thought was I was doing was awesome, and then would ask for my number. Some would ask me more details about how I got my ostomy, and then ask for my number. Others simply sent a messages saying they had learned something new, hoping to spark up some conversation. I even had one guy remember me from an article in the Western Gazette some 2 years ago!

While I got messages from guys who had found out the ostomy and still wanted to explore something with me, there were a few guys who didn’t want to actually date me. However, it apparently was not for the bag, but for “irreconcilable differences,” (like this guy)

Despite having an extremely off-putting profile, guys still Googled me, and still asked me out.

Bag and all.

Now, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my Masters degree if I didn’t point out the flaws in my study, which all academics must do. Unfortunately, there is one giant flaw.

What about the guys who Googled me and decided not to message me because they discovered the ostomy?

I wasn’t able to track how many guys viewed my profile, looked me up, and decided against contacting me because they had discovered my bag. Because of that, I was unable to calculate my conversation rate.

But you know what?

Who cares?

All those guys that didn’t message me on OKCupid are the same group of guys who I would never think twice to talk to in person.

And clearly, with proof from my experiment, there are enough guys out there who literally do not give a crap about the ostomy.

(badumbum)

I have since shut down my experiment because I am now in a new relationship with a wonderful guy. A guy who never thought twice about my bag, which he knew about before we even became a couple.

When I asked him why he was so accepting of it (obviously, because I had to know) he said it was not the attitude I have towards it, but the fact that I am confident in myself as a whole. He compared it to the same situation of women who are self-conscious about their weight. He said, if a woman is going to complain and feel badly about herself because of how much she weighs, a guy isn’t going to want to date her. But if the same woman embraces her weight and is comfortable with who she is, her body size doesn’t matter at all.

You hear that? An ostomy is just like anything else you might be self-conscious about; weight, height, hair colour, shoe size, breast or manboob size, anything.

An ostomy is just another thing on that list.

Another thing that you can choose to complain about, another thing to feel bad about, and another thing to get in the way of finding yourself a great boy or girl.

So, friends, the moral of this story is that we should all be comfortable in ourselves no matter what we think is wrong with us.

Because in the end, it doesn’t ‘effing matter.

She earned her spot as the winner for the contest because she not only posted multiple pictures (seen below) but she got others to share and talk about the pictures she posted. Taunya was a great contributor to positive ostomy awareness and she deserves this win 100%!

Congrats to you!

Before I post her story, I just want to announce that in the next few weeks I will be throwing up another chance for you to order your very own “Where’s Your Ostomy” tshirt! Keep checking this blog, the Facebook page, and my twitter account to find out when!

Now, without further ado, Taunya’s story:

I am so thrilled to have had the opportunity to participate in Uncover Ostomy’s “This is where
my ostomy is…” campaign. It has been so inspiring to see how many people have come forward
to share their ostomy pride! What an incredible campaign! I am so grateful to be able to share my
story with you.

The symptoms of my chronic illness began 9 years ago. At the time I did not know I was
experiencing the symptoms of a chronic illness. During these first initial years, I saw many
doctors and health professionals. I received many medications, treatments, procedures, surgeries,
and differing diagnoses. But the bottom line remained; no one knew what illness I had, if
any. Years later, I was extremely fortunate to meet a doctor who knew what was wrong and
I was diagnosed with Diffuse Irritable Gastrointestinal Tract Syndrome (DIGITS). Having
this diagnosis brought on many new challenges and finding ways to survive DIGITS has been
very difficult. I have had numerous surgeries, too many feeding tubes and catheter lines, and
ultimately was permanently on TPN. When my body started reacting to TPN we knew we
needed to find an alternative plan. This is when the conversation about needing an ileostomy
to save my life started. I was extremely nervous about having a colectomy and permanent
ileostomy. At the time, my surgery was completely experimental with no idea of the success of
an ileostomy. Despite the unknown success, I decided to have the surgery and almost 5 years
later, I know that was the best decision I could have ever made.

When I had surgery to have an ostomy (which I named Oscar), I was full of fear and negative
feelings. I was ashamed, self-conscious, and petrified what people would think. I didn’t want
anyone to know. Over time I have realized that living in secrecy was not the answer. I didn’t
want to spend my time being angry and ashamed of something that has saved my life. Having
an ostomy is nothing to be embarrassed about and engaging in conversations about ostomies are
essential to reducing peoples’ fears and discomfort.

For me, DIGITS continues to progress, change, and advance in my body. I try as much as I can
to keep my symptoms “manageable” (if that is at all even possible, I still don’t know), but in all
of the grave conversations I had had with doctors, I have come to 2 major realizations:

1. I like to laugh (and living with a chronic illness can seriously attempt to put a significant
damper on laughter in your life).
2. I want to live in whatever capacity I can (This has taken me years to accept).

Neither one of these 2 realizations underestimate the hardships and traumas I have and continue
to face but that I don’t want to stop laughing and living because of DIGITS. I know the realities
of DIGITS, hard times and days are ahead, but I will enjoy the moments I have and I refuse
to stop smiling and living. No matter how sick or impacted my life has become because of
DIGITS, I still want to make my dreams come true. I have definitely had to be much more
patient and creative in finding ways to pursue my dreams but I still want to experience my life.

I want people to know that although ostomies are huge lifestyle changes, ostomies are beautiful lifesaving interventions. Every time I think about someone not knowing about an ostomy, my thought is always “Everyone should know about how much life is given in each and every
ostomy”.

Above is a paraphrased quote that was said to me by one lovely woman about Uncover Ostomy. She touched on the fact that it was one thing to read about what an ostomy was, how it saves lives, and how it is possible to live with one, but it is a different experience to see someone with one in person. Especially to see someone as happy as me.

I’ve shared my story online, I constantly write about my life, and I post pictures and videos of it all. However, there’s only so much that can be expressed through a computer screen. This is why I speak to individuals and groups alike with a giant smile on my face about how the ostomy saved my life.

Last week, I was lucky enough to have two very unique speaking opportunities to share that, as well as what Uncover Ostomy is all about.

The first speaking opportunity was to a lovely group a women in North Toronto. A number of these ladies had very little understanding of what an ostomy was, while others who had previously heard the term were shocked to see me, not only in such good health, but happy as well. After I recounted the tale of how I ended up with my ostomy, I shared the awareness efforts we have made, and the strides we’re making to spread awareness for the future.I was thanked with a roaring round of applause, and a great number of personal comments afterward. Many of the comments focused on the fact that they couldn’t believe how accepting and upbeat I was. I was happy to know that I had shown them the positive side of the ostomy.

A few days later, I made my way to London, Ontario, where I spoke to the members of the London and District Ostomy Association -quite a different crowd. I didn’t have to stand up and explain the ostomy, nor did I have to share much of what Uncover Ostomy was doing to spread awareness. Instead, I spoke of personal acceptance, and how they too, could be as happy as I am because of my bag.

Again, I was thanked with a wonderful round of applause and had the opportunity to speak to a number of great people who had the nicest of things to say to me. Many of these individuals shared that they were just as ecstatic about having their ostomy as I was. It was wonderful.

Despite Uncover Ostomy being an online awareness effort, I believe that there is so much more that can be done beyond the computer screen. This is why I make sure to take the time to speak to those, aware of the ostomy or not, about what we are trying to accomplish with Uncover Ostomy, as well as spread positive thoughts about the surgery. I can write, I can share, I can post pictures and videos, but I cannot reach people on the same level that I can in person.

They say that happiness is contagious, but I believe it is only so when shared in person. I want to share the happiness that I feel because of my ostomy with everyone I can.

Unfortunately, I am only one person who can only be in one place at one time. I can only educate others about the ostomy, answer questions about the ostomy, and prove, in person, how having an ostomy is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me, so much.

This is why I need all of you to help me out.

For those of you with ostomies, or even those without, I need you take all that Uncover Ostomy is – education, awareness, acceptance, and happiness – and share it with those in your  lives, in your circles, and in your communities. I need you to take what we’ve built here: the support, the positive thoughts, the funny comments and stories, and let others know that the ostomy has been the best thing has ever happened to me, to you, or to others. The ostomy is a wildly positive thing, shadowed by an extremely negative stigma. This is why we need to share the happiness with everyone we can.

Friends: I need you to be my voice.

I need you to be my smile.

——–

For questions or concerns about opening up and sharing your ostomy, or sharing about the ostomy if you do not have one, please feel free to comment here or on the Facebook page for some guidance and support!

If you’d like to have me speak at one of your events, please feel free to Tweet at me @JessGrossman or email me at jessica@uncoverostomy.com.

Whether you were the one yelling out in anger or the one causing the frustration, you all know what I’m talking about; Growing up with a sibling.

For those who didn’t catch wind – yesterday was National Sibling Day. A day to celebrate those younger or older brothers and sisters who not only made growing up a living nightmare, but who you always knew, no matter what, were there for you.

I wanted to take this opportunity to give a shout-out to my only sibling: the younger, now 21 year-old, business student, guitar-playing, sport-loving, philanthropic, fraternity president. The guy who has been there for me through the thick of it all, no matter how annoying I was. My amazing brother Jason, whom I love to death.

What’s funny is that if you had asked me how I felt about my brother years ago my response would be very different. Between him always calling me names, fighting with me over who would choose what our mom made for dinner, to him coming into the living room to change the channel on the television, evennnn though I was watching a tv show we both liked…. if you had asked me years ago how I felt about my little brother, I would have told you I wanted to put him up for adoption.

Now, all these years later, we actually make a point to talk, hang out, and party together. Who would have thought?

I attribute most of this change to the fact that we no longer live together. I began to see a difference pretty much as soon as I moved out of the house to go to university. While he’d still bug me a little bit (out of habit, or tradition, I suppose), we generally began to enjoy each other’s company on the weekends and during the summers that I’d be home. I was a tad worried that when he started at the same university that I went to, and when he joined a fraternity that my sorority hung out with, there would be some issues. Luckily, we just enjoyed spending even more time together. (Well that, and he enjoyed me driving him around the city.)

I think, however, that what solidified our newfound friendship the most was having to experience the loss of our father. It was heartbreaking for both of us, yet in very different ways. I can only imagine how much more difficult it had been for him, being only 17 and having to step-up and become the man of the house. He has done so with grace, dignity, and intelligence.

I have to say, though, that even when we were younger, and when I wanted to strangle him almost every day, the little guy could step up. When I was dealing with the extreme symptoms of Crohn’s disease and basically not able to function, he was there taking care of me. Even though he just a little squirt, he was on top of my care by making sure the hot water bottle I needed for my pain was warm and that I drank those awful meal replacement shakes I had to have to keep my nutrition up. Jason really showed his strength when I’d be admitted to the hospital for weeks and months at a time and he’d have to stay home, only having one parent around because the other would be with me. He didn’t complain. He didn’t lash out. He was just there.

I can’t believe I’m about to admit this, but I literally teared up as I wrote that last sentence.

I value family more than anything in the entire world, and I think that having Jason in my life is the reason why.

Love you, brother.

The conversation began with the history of my educational background in media, both old and new, as well as business management. I then briefly summarized my past work experience and the roles I held in both New York City and Toronto. I also discussed the future plans I had for the UO campaign, and I expressed how I was about to dive into the completely unrelated field of commercial real estate investment. I then explained that I was hoping for advice on where I should focus my time next and I wondered if he could introduce me to the people I needed to know.

And then it happend.

I knew it was coming – it always does.

“But you’re only 23.”

It was then only a matter of minutes in conversation before the man became aware of the old, wise soul within me. Those few minutes later, he began to list off all the professionals that he believed I could work with.

Funny – Weren’t we all taught not to judge a book by its cover?

I don’t know about you, but I have never felt my age. In fact, to this day, I don’t even know the number I’d assign to myself and am still trying to figure it out.

On one hand, I recently moved into a new condo alone – one that I purchased myself. The condo is located in the wonderful area of King West in downtown Toronto and I am surrounded by individuals a number of years older than me. It’s quiet, serene, and is a very different space than the ones I have resided in, in the past. While it is by far the most glorious thing I have ever experienced, I can’t help but feel like a 40-year old as I send in payments for my mortgage.

Condo Life

Not to mention that all the big decisions I find myself making now are heavily biased by how they will affect my future.

On the other hand, this past weekend I went to London, ON, to attend the formal event for the fraternity that my cousins are members and that my brother is the president of. I did my hair and makeup and threw on a dress as if I, myself, was once again an active member of my own sorority. As I partied the night away, I couldn’t help but feel 19 again.

My brother, cousins, and I: Phi Gamma Delta Formal, 2013

It’s no secret that I’ve lived through hell. Between my near death experience from Crohn’s disease, which resulted in my life saving ostomy surgery, to losing my father 3 years ago, I’ve had to grow up pretty fast.

CNE with my family, 2001

But, it’s not like I’m special.

Many of you reading this blog have gone through what I have, whether it be disease, surgery, the loss of a parent at a young age, or any other type of hardship – you know what I’m saying; these things age us.

We’ve seen more. We’ve felt more. We’ve experienced more.

Yet the calendar continues to assign a number year after year and we’re judged based on it.

I often get asked what I think I would be like if I had never experience those hardships in my life.

My response?

I wouldn’t be me.

While I must admit that I enjoy focusing on my career, discussing business, owning property, and acting much older than my age would dictate, I know I would be missing out if I simply dismissed (as my friend Steph would say,) “the wild side of 25.” That’s why, from time to time, I still throw on that revealing party dress, drink a little too much, and pretend that life isn’t so serious…

And that age is just a number assigned by the earth’s rotation around the sun.

I know there are a number of you who have yet to receive your tshirts, and I would hate to have you miss out.

So, with that, please continue to show your ostomy pride!

If you’ve forgotten the contest details, they are as follows:

How to participate:

1. Show where your ostomy is or would be by drawing on your tshirt. The more creative the design, the better your chances of winning.

2. Wear the shirt and take a picture! Location is important here: the crazier the spot and the more people around, the better!

3. Post the picture to all of your social networks!

On Facebook: Post the picture to your wall and tag Uncover Ostomy by typing “@Uncover Ostomy” in the description.

On Twitter: Tweet the picture, use the hashtag #ostomy, and mention me, @JessGrossman

On Instagram: Share the picture, use the hashtag #ostomy, and mention me, @JessGrossman (Note: if your profile is private, I won’t be able to see it.)

On Pinterest: Pin your picture to a board, use the hashtag #ostomy, and mention me @JessGrossman

On Tumblr: Post the picture, refer to this website, and paste the link on the UO FB page or in a comment below.

On your personal blog: Post the picture, refer to this website, and paste the link on the UO FB page or in a comment below.

On YouTube: Film a video, refer to this website, and share the link on the UO FB page or in a comment below.

4. Encourage your friends to like, share, comment, and retweet your post!

The person who has the most creative tshirt design, who takes the coolest photo, and who cultivates the most engagement on their post wins!

Have fun!

Apparently, Mr. Carrey felt humiliated by Fox News for making fun of an online video that he had made and felt the need to respond to their criticism by calling the network a “media colostomy bag.”

Sigh.

I’m gonna level with you Jimmy – I’ve always had a soft spot for you.

I usually find slapstick humor trivial and crude, but somehow, you had won my heart over the years.

But this? This is what you could come up with? You get paid an obscene amount of money to be funny and this is what you could come up with?

I’m almost more upset at the lack of humor in your insult than the insinuation you were trying to make about Fox News.

Ok – not really.

I’m pretty disappointed in your use of the ostomy.

To be honest – I’m usually not very sensitive to ostomy jokes. In fact, I make a ton of them myself and literally roll over in laughter when my friends make them, as well. I even have some pretty good ones, if I do say so myself. There are a ton of jokes that can be made about the ostomy in good taste and good faith and I do it all the time.

But this comment? This was not one of those.

This was one that had the intention to cause harm. And it framed this lifesaving surgery in a negative light. In the media. In front of millions of people.

So thanks, Mr. Carrey.

Now I’m going to have to be even more naked on the internet to show the good side of the bag.

————————-

On this note of ostomy awareness, I’d like to remind you guys that on Tuesday the 2nd we will be picking the winner of the “Where’s Your Ostomy” contest to be featured on the blog and FB page. Don’t forget to join the contest!

Details here!

[If you haven't received yours yet, it should be on it's way!]

Along with the messages letting me know that the shirts have arrived, many of these people immediately began to spread their ostomy pride by posting photos of them wearing the shirts to their Facebook walls, tweeting them on their Twitter accounts, sharing them through Instagram, and more.

Two of my favorites so far are from my friends Andrew and Jess, seen below:

Now it’s time for you to follow their lead.

For all of those who purchased an Uncover Ostomy tshirt,  (or even those who did not, you’ll just have to get creative…) get ready for the “Where’s Your Ostomy” Contest! 

The purpose of the contest is to spread ostomy awareness all over the internet. We want to get your friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, strangers, and stalkers to all know what the word “ostomy” means – both literally and figuratively.

The winner of the contest will not only have their story and photo featured on the blog, but will have their photo used as the UO Facebook Page profile picture for 2 weeks! Cool, right?

How to participate:

1. Show where your ostomy is or would be by drawing on your tshirt. The more creative the design, the better your chances of winning.

2. Wear the shirt and take a picture! Location is important here: the crazier the spot and the more people around, the better!

3. Post the picture to all of your social networks!

On Facebook: Post the picture to your wall and tag Uncover Ostomy by typing “@Uncover Ostomy” in the description.

On Twitter: Tweet the picture, use the hashtag #ostomy, and mention me, @JessGrossman

On Instagram: Share the picture, use the hashtag #ostomy, and mention me, @JessGrossman (Note: if your profile is private, I won’t be able to see it.)

On Pinterest: Pin your picture to a board, use the hashtag #ostomy, and mention me @JessGrossman

On Tumblr: Post the picture, refer to this website, and paste the link on the UO FB page or in a comment below. 

On your personal blog: Post the picture, refer to this website, and paste the link on the UO FB page or in a comment below.

On YouTube: Film a video, refer to this website, and share the link on the UO FB page or in a comment below.

4. Encourage your friends to like, share, comment, and retweet your post!

We will be running this contest for 2 weeks starting today, March 19 until April 2nd!

The person who has the most creative tshirt design, who takes the coolest photo, and who cultivates the most engagement on their post wins!

So, where’s your ostomy?

Have fun!

————————

PS; If you’re having any issues with your tshirt order, please contact Teespring here. Thanks!

Well, if you’re a little late to the Uncover Ostomy party, you may not have yet realized that I don’t live that life. 

I live fashion.

In the 10 years since I’ve had surgery, I’ve spent copious amounts of time mastering the art of clothing and an ostomy. I refused to let a little ol’ bag stand in my way of looking good. 

While I feel confident in my ability to dress fashionably with an ostomy, I’ve always had two female clothing categories that have kind of, well, challenged me: party dresses and bathing suits.

A number of years ago, when I joined my sorority, party dresses became a necessity that threw me for a loop. All the sexy, sophisticated, and unique dresses that I wanted to wear to the various semi-formal and formal events seemed to highlight, rather than camouflage my ostomy. Whether it be the material, the colour, or the amount of tightness, all the “statement” making dresses I came across didn’t seem to quite… well…work. 

I’m totally proud of having an ostomy and all (obviously), but the statement that these dresses made weren’t exactly the statement I wanted to make.

Eventually, as some of you may recall, after months and months of spending too much money, I built a comprehensive wardrobe full of fashionably sexy dresses. They not only kept my ostomy neatly tucked away, but they looked pretty awesome too. Even now, a number of years later, I’m still rocking the little black dress. The tight little black dress.

Me and my brother at his Fraternity Semi-Formal this weekend. Can you see my ostomy?

Challenging as it may have been, finding party dresses paled in comparison to the challenges I faced trying to find bathing suits.

Bikinis suck for any girl, but they suck a million times more when you’re trying to cover a bag on your stomach with an insanely small amount of fabric. It didn’t take long to realize that I needed to be creative when it came to bathing suits. 

I quickly discovered that boy-short bikini bottoms with a bikini worked, and that duo became my longstanding go-to bathing suit option for a number of years. There was enough fabric to cover my lower half and I could still wear a bikini top to get a decent tan. A few years later, when they came back in style, I started wearing high-waisted bikini bottoms, which worked quite well and  made me feel almost normal in swimwear. My most exciting bathing suit revelation was last winter when I discovered that I could wear a pair of regular, skimpy bikini bottoms with a band of bathing suit material around my stomach.

Well, that was my most exciting bathing suit moment until this past month.

This past month, I went into a bathing suit store in search of a new bikini top to replace one that I had lost. I scoured the store looking for a replacement, but couldn’t seem to find anything I liked. I then came across a bikini that caught my eye. I pulled it off the rack and thought that I would try it on for fun just to see exactly how much bag it would show.

And as if sent down from the ostomy gods themselves, the bathing suit, somehow, miraculously fit.

Perfectly.

The holy grail of bikinis.

Not one single modification necessary.

If you had asked me 10 years ago if I thought I’d ever be able to wear a tight dress or a regular bikini, I would have laughed in your face and told you that I knew I couldn’t. I would have said that it was an unfortunate circumstance, but that it was a small price to pay to be alive. I would have told you that it was a fate I was simply going to have to deal with.

Ha, yeah… I guess I don’t really “deal” with anything.

And neither should you.

I wrote this blog to start the conversation on clothing and the bag. It’s not an easy topic, and it can be fairly difficult for someone who doesn’t know where to start. I didn’t know where to start those 10 years ago, but with lots of time, research, and experimentation, I have been able to wear anything I’ve ever wanted to wear. This post is the place to start so that you too can wear whatever your heart desires.

So let’s get talking.

What is the most important thing you’ve learned about how to dress with a bag? What tips and tricks have you learned since you began your ostomy journey? What is your favourite article of clothing that you couldn’t live without? And what do you wish the doctors or nurses had told you about how to dress after surgery that they may have, well, uh, forgotten to mention?

Let’s help each other out.

Remember that time you thought you’d be stuck in “mom” jeans for the rest of your life?

Thank god it’s only a memory.

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It must be noted: While what I have discovered works for me, it may not necessarily work for others. Whether it be larger or smaller, higher or lower, ostomies differ for everyone; as do the associated clothing options. So though the pictures above highlight how I am able to dress, it may not translate directly to you.

As well, if you prefer, you can send your questions my way either here, on the Facebook Page, or by tweeting to me at @JessGrossman. I will help in any and all ways that I can!

This post has been brought to you in part by shopping, in tandem with malls everywhere.